Your signal fades away, and all I'm left with is noise...

Dallas Green is a beautiful man and I would do anything to have him: fact.

Things are a little better. And I've realized the advice is bar advice. I love my little bar friends, no matter how much older they are from me. I get free drinks and awfully nice people to spend time with, a win win kind of deal.

Maybe I messed this up from the beginning. Who knows? I wanted to go slow to make sure my wounds were healed from before, to make sure I was ready so I wouldn't hurt more than one person. I liked you a lot a lot, like a lot! What happened? I dropped from view and from your attention like a dead weight. I can cite my drop in status like a linear history. Perhaps you met someone new, perhaps I just wasn't your type, perhaps you just got tired of me. Either way, I was hurting and could sense some sort of change. And yes, it was fucked of me to message you through a phone, right before your show, right before your trip. I know you'll enjoy it either way because something tells me you won't miss me much.

And yet, I'd love to pick up the phone and say 'Hey'. But I won't. I told you how I felt, what was wrong, and I never really heard anything from you and what you wanted.


Well, enough of that. I'll be sad for awhile. It's just another chip in my foundation for now, along with all the other shit I've been dealing with.

I met with Kevin today to talk about camp. THe stress begins. All I want is for that damned cook, April and family, TO NOT BE THERE THIS YEAR. That's all I want. Seriously.

I start 'The Summer of ME' tomorrow. I really need to hop on my research. I'm getting antsy. I need focus. I need some sort of INSIGHT. I keep asking myself Townsley's question: "What do YOU see? What are you showing us?"

What do I see in hardcore? What is there for me to show you? Oh, lawd. Don't even begin.

I'm going to bed because I'm sad and lonely, but more so tired. Heavy heart, heavy bones, heavy skin. I need to eat more veggies.

xoxo