Secrets

Good things happen to bad people: they are still bad people who happen to have good things. Bad things happen to good people: we are still good people.

This has been a very trying time for me and my family. Figaro went crazy today and attacked everyone because we were puppysitting. Bo had to go to the ER his cuts and welts were so bad. I was a little better, but I still saw the color of my own blood. It was like the scariest thing I have witnessed. My mother screaming, and the cat just going at it. Fear. We were all scared.

Seriously, there is nothing scarier than seeing your hands drenched in your own blood.

Bo is in a state of shock, and I think heartbreak. He love(d) that cat. My mother is drowning in guilt and sauteed the chicken with her tears. She has the MTEL on Saturday. I just want her to be happy.

I have moved back home. Today, actually. And on top of all the family stress in regards to finances, sick family members, my dad, my mom and my future we have Bo and the crazy cat.

I want to cry but I am too numb right now. I wish someone was here. I wish someone offered to come see me, take me for a ride, just fucking talk to me. How sad is it that it's my ex boyfriend is the only one reaching out to me, even after we fight? He's a good kid, but I'm happier without him. He offered to take me on a motorcycle ride soon to help me get my mind off shit. I think that's really kind, even after everything we've been through.

Kindness is really rare. Compassion and caring, even more so.

I feel abandoned by a lot of people. I just have to get used to this because life is always changing, people are always leaving. Somehow, all the exits people take with me are dramatic. And I'm always the one left behind. There are no more pieces to pick up, though, more so I can't pick them up. The pieces, shards of glass, have cut me up something fierce. My own blood on my hands.


This is and will be the summer of Me. I will love myself above all, and before anyone else. I will accomplish my goals and dreams. I am so much more than what people have turned me into, I am so much more than the person you aim to hurt. I am going to grow this summer, no matter the pains. I can't depend on people, or trust them, but I can depend and trust on me.


Peace and love.