BLOG FROM THURSDAY; BLOGGER WAS DOWN

The universe can go fuck itself royally. I am so sick and tired of the bad news that seems to stick to me like a second skin. Apparently, my family and I just can’t catch a fucking break. How marvelous.

My aunt is back in the hospital and it doesn’t sound good. Her body, after the hysterectomy and colon removal, is collecting fluids everywhere, even in her lungs. I’m worried and scared. More so for my mother. She’s trying so hard, way too hard in my opinion, to do so much for Beata and her family. She’s an incredible person but she has to realize that she has the power to say ‘No’. Sometimes there will be things she simply cannot do nor find the time to do. She has her fucking MTELS on Saturday and the phone was ringing off the hook with people, mainly family, asking for favors. I know this might sound awful, but, where the fuck were these people when we were struggling/ still are struggling? My mom has to learn to put herself first, not me or Bo or Dad, but herself. It’s not selfish; it’s healthy.

Bo is still bitter and angry about his wounds and the cat. It will take him a while to heal. Dad is in Oregon. Mom is a mess.

And me? Well, I’m just fucked. There is no one here for me, or anything. I’m trying to take my mind off how sad of a situation I’m in. Even the friends I do have in the area don’t fucking invite me anywhere. Seriously, after these last few weeks I would love to go out and not think for a bit. But no. Nothing. No invitations, even after people ask me what I’m doing.

I’m seriously trying really hard to not be negative or bitter, but it’s way easier than faking a smile and pretending like everything is fine. Everything is NOT fine, thanks for caring. Family members are suffering and dying, our stress levels are so high and there’s just new shit to deal with all the time.

I want to run away.

Well, in lieu of trying to be positive, maybe I’ll end up getting a lot done for my thesis anyways? Shit, maybe this whole thesis shit will work out?

Maybe I’ll have something to be proud of.

PS, I found these tips online. Hopefully they help.

1. Never respond when you are not calm. If you are not sure that you are calm, don’t respond. Take time to calm yourself down first.
2. Take a deep breath as a first step to calm yourself down.
3. Speak in gentle tone to reduce the tension of the situation.
4. Realize that you can find opportunities in negative situations. Albert Einstein said: “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.”
5. Look at the content of what people say to you for something positive that you can act upon to improve yourself. Don’t just reject the whole messages.
6. For the rest of the messages which is negative, simply ignore it.
7. Maintain positive view of the people. Maybe you don’t like their messages or behavior, but that doesn’t mean that you can hate them personally.
8. Realize that having negative feelings will just hurt you, not them. So there is no reason for you to have any negative feeling.
9. If you make mistakes, be open to admit it.
10. If you make mistakes, remember this quote by George Bernard Shaw: “A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”
11. If you can, listen to motivational audio program to feed positive thoughts into your mind.
12. Talk to a positive friend who can encourage you.
13. Remember your favorite quotes to give you inspiration and motivation. This is one reason why you should have quote of the day.
14. Look at the negative situations as your training sessions for real life. The higher you climb in life, the worse the negative situations would be, so you’d better be prepared for them.
15. Realize that you can’t please everyone. In fact, nobody can. Sometimes you need to just let some people go. Realizing this will relieve you from a lot of unnecessary burden so that you can focus on the people that you can positively interact with.