DROP THE WORLD- Lil Wayne Feat. Eminem
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I’m cursed, so never mind
And it’s worse, but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller, and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a n*gga
But soon for a n*gga it be on, mu’f*cka
‘Cause all the bullshit, it made me strong, mu’f*cka
So I pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head
Bitch, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherf*cker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherf*cker
I’m gone
Motherf*cker, I’m gone
I know what they don’t wanna tell you
Just hope you’re heaven-sent, and you’re hell-proof
I-I walk up in the world and cut the lights off
And confidence is the stain they can’t wipe off
Huh, my word is my pride
But wisdom is bleak, and that’s a word from the wise
Served to survive, murdered and bribed
And when it got too heavy I put my burdens aside
So I could pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head
Bitch, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherf*cker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherf*cker
I’m gone
Motherf*cker, I’m gone (I’m gone)
(Eminem) It hurts, but I never show this pain you’ll never know
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
And frostbit I’ve become, my back’s against the wall
When push come to shove, I just stand up and scream “F*ck ‘em all”
Man, it feels like these walls are closing in
This roof is caving in, up its time to razor-thin
Your days are numbered like pagers and
My book of rhymes, got ‘em cookin’, boy
This crooked mind of mine got ‘em all
Shook and scared to look in my eyes
I stole that f*ckin’ clock
I took the time and I
Came up from behind
And pretty much snuck up
And butt-f*cked this game up
Better be careful when you bring my name up
F*ck this fame, that ain’t what
I came to claim but the game
Ain’t gonna be the same on the day that I leave it
But I swear one way or another I’ma make these f*ckin’ haters believe that
I swear to God, won’t spare the rod
I’m a man of my word, so your f*ckin’ heads better nod
Or I’ma f*ck around in this bitch and roast everybody
Sleep on me, that pillow is where your head’ll lie
Permanently, bitch, it’s beddy-bye
This world is my Easter egg, yeah, prepare to die
My head is swole, my confidence is up
This stage is my pedestal
I’m unstoppable, incredible
Hope you’re trapped in my medicine ball
I could run circles around you so fast your f*ckin’ head’ll spin, dog
I split your cabbage and your lettuce and olives
I’ll f*ckin’
Pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head
Bitch, I’ma pick the world up and I’ma drop it on your f*ckin’ head
And I could die now, Rebirth motherf*cker
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherf*cker
I’m gone
Motherf*cker, I’m gone (I’m gone)
-----
That song embodies pretty much everything I've gone through this past semester. Yes, my life has sucked thus far- but motherfucker, I'm gone. Weezy's album was supposed to be out Dec 16th, but he pushed it back to February. Too bad 500 copies got leaked- that's how I heard this. Actually, I heard this on the radio and became impassioned to find it. So I did on this website:
http://nahright.com/news/2009/12/15/lil-wayne-feat-eminem-drop-the-world/
So good, but in other news...since March....
1. Everyone I loved/love has broken me in some way.
2. Everyone I loved/love has abandoned me in some way.
3. Everyone I loved/love has disappointed me in some way.
March-May- Spring semester ends very well. Except I realize my roommate is a total bitch- we have a fall out.
June- July- Forgive bitch roommate, but still not ok. I work at the Post and am verbally abused there. Ugh.
-August- Cape Cod. I had people I considered friends dine and dash at my boyfriend's birthday bash and start a shit show via facebook. I repressed my anger, which I realize wasn't healthy. Sure I looked like the bigger person, but I'm suffering for it now, especially since I've taken a lot of Nietzsche's words to heart. I should have just blasted them once, got it out of my system and left them. Now they are creeping back into my life as "friends" again, and we tiptoe around August like it never happened. Fucking A. It did happen! I'm waiting for the daggers to show.
-September to October- Parents scared me about the dog. Relationship problems. Broke up twice within this period- caught him texting other girls things he couldn't even promise me. No friends in sight. No shoulder to lean on, nothing. Just a lot of hormonal girls telling me to castrate him. Great advice- not. You know, on TV, girls always take their broken friends out and show them a good time. No one called, no one cared. Whatever, fuck. So after I gave him a second chance- people are complaining and calling me "stupid". Please- I'm the not the type to keep tabs but I remember driving to different states to help people when their families got divorced, break ups, deaths, etc etc. So- where were you? If you had done what a friend should have done, maybe things would be different.
BUT ON THAT NOTE- I don't regret giving him another chance. He's truly 180-ed and resumed being the best friend I have and need. He's the only person I can depend on. Love you.
November- I turned 20 and invited people, over 90, to a breakfast brunch at my college. Who came: Me, my roommate Alex, Dave, Shayla, Ashley, Sophie, Ashley from Russian, Laurel plus three people I didn't know?, Natasha, my mom and Bo. Excuses I got from people: too hungover, too tired, oh I forgot?, ate somewhere else, ... . My best friend didn't show up because of a party at her school. I threw this bitch a surprise party in August.
December- Finals- and the current time. Just had a talk with my stressed out roommate to masturbate so she can chill the fuck out.
And me? I don't know. Weezy said it all. I depend on no one. It's tough. I got off the phone with my mom. She tells me that someday I will find people to truly trust and enjoy. She says there are good people in the world. It makes sense that I'm skeptical, she says, because this year has been nothing but hurt and pain. I'm so used to it- it's nothing new. Seriously, nothing surprises me any more. I remember writing in a paper this semester that all pain is universal- only the context changes. I didn't think I would stand by that- but I am.
I don't want to sound like a Negative Nancy. I really don't. There have been good things, but it sucks when only the bad things highlight milestones in your life. Like seriously, WTF. Let me think of one good thing- yes- I have it...I'm going to the Republic of Georgia in January and I am working with the Georgian chapter of the UN. It's called the UNA, United Nations Association. I am so PUMPED. I finally feel like my life is going to hold some meaning, some water. Maybe I can start running as soon as I hit the ground now- maybe the Amazing will happen! (The Amazing is my concept and silly idea that I was made for great things. Is this a simple desire, or a true feeling that I was meant for something bigger? I think it's a little of both, but I have the right to work off that- and I pray that I will do something amazing soon).
I might be throwing another New Year's Eve party again. But- no food or booze this time. Too many people took advantage of me then. I'm so over that. I loved being naive about people because I thought I could bring out the good in them with my kindness and faith in them. Fuck that. I've been shit on so many times these last 6 months alone that I don't need anyone. I used to cry because I had no friends, no people to go out with. I used to cry because people ditched me, forgot about me. I thought it would change, people would remember me, would love me, would be with me- and it would no longer be just me carrying everyone- boy, was I stupid for believing that. I don't go out any more. I don't party. I stay in and study. I depend on me and my wits alone. That's the only thing that has gotten me so far. Me. So, I spread myself out. I don't get too close to people or let them know me. Sure, I may be psychologically fucked, but at least I get a little companionship. I've befriended a femme lesbian- whom I adore, a reformist Jew- who is HILARIOUS and so OG, my democractic rah rah roommate who is a good soul, Nietzsche, Freud, Fanon, Dave again and again and my mom. Mom is the best. I still hate the Greeks- Socrates and Plato and Aristotle- yeah, those muttafukkas can suck it.
During Thanksgiving Break, I came home and partied with old "pals" from high school. My God, It was like a horrible high school reunion. I believe this event was my dismantlement with humanity and the concept of friendship: everyone was the same and so quick to judge. All of a sudden it was a comparison party- who did more, who is smarter, who will make more. People asked me what the fuck I would do with my majors and my LA bachelors? Primarily your future doctors and politicians, and I replied- oh and I was so fresh too- to the doctors= legislate how much impact and hold you have on the world and determine if six figures on a paycheck really relates to your egotistical idea of self. To the politicians= make sure you don't cause another Vietnam to happen because the USA means shit today, not THE shit. But mainly, I just drank in contempt. Sure I got drunk, and they crawled all over me for it. But that's what happens when you drink 4 22oz Polish beers with enough strength to drug an ox in them and 2 American micros for flavor. And everything I said was said for a reason, bitches.
Well. It's December. I will try to write in this thing everyday. Why? Because I need to start promulgating and I need to start getting myself together. I should write everyday any ways, but blogs are SO COOL! Not. Eh. Whatever, maybe I'm supposed to remember this. I do feel better though.
So- until tomorrow! Good luck and much love.
And listen to Weezy!
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