Pieces of glass

My heart is like blown glass at this point, nothing but a thin layer of burnt sand holding myself together, keeping my anxieties and happiness apart. I am waiting for news about my aunt. She had her hysterectomy last night. I'm taking Ami, her daughter and my cousin/niece, to a movie at three.

I am waiting for the racist Republican agenda to be finally understood and revealed for what it is. Nevermind, take the Respublican out, add in American. Donald Trump is the perfect example of the 'American'. Vote for him and lose your soul, I swear to God. Even this was a publicity ploy, it's nothing short of disgusting.

I am waiting for Alabama, Mississippi and the other States to come together and breathe and bandage themselves up. There is blood in that soil now, so many have perished.

I am waiting for Indiana to wake up, as Wisconsin did. Cutting access to basic and necessary health care is like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, will be suffering, if not dying.

I am waiting for the call to bear arms, and for the safety of knowing I can barricade myself in away from you. I am trying to be strong and to think I can do this. But, I feel like I can't do this. Not now. Please don't tell me/ tell me her name. Don't tell me/ tell me you did, you felt, you saw, you touched, you held. I am nothing to you, but Goddamn it, I am something to me. I don't regret what I did; I did it for me. I know you were doing the same. But I did me for my own sanity, yours was out of selfishness. So be it, this is war.

I slept like shit last night. My dreams, when I had them, were of swollen riverbanks and twisters erupting out of gray clouds, with colorless faces running past. So much is going on: my family, my work, school, my thesis, my fragility, my weak heart...

I'll find strength in stupid Twitter posts praising God and all his glory. Yes, Rev. Run, keep me whole.

I need to find my own confidence. All in all though, I'd like things to go back to how they were. Sometimes I dream of never meeting you. You woke something up in me I had hoped was dead.

No, no, no. You're right; I shouldn't care.