Slow it down, you have a tendency to rush back into your past...

Just, FUCKKKK. Seriously? Mind games? I don't this shit. I haven't done this shit in fucking forever and you think this is cool, fun, vengeful? You left me with no indicator of doubt. So why am I the one sitting here like a fucking idiot? I don't like this give or take, just fucking tell me to back off and I will. Don't have me 'assume' everything is fine only to have you jerk me around like a fucking dumbass. Perhaps its you and your drugs, fuck I don't know. I just know I don't deserve this. Talk to me like a being. I wasn't expecting anything, before or after the fact. Be civil, tell me how you feel; you don't want me around, fucking fine! Oh boohoo! I don't care. But don't leave me in limbo thinking this and that, don't fucking DISRESPECT ME.

These are my demands:
You have until Thursday to say anything to me, good, bad, I don't give a fuck.
I will not contact you until Thursday evening, and that will be it. The final straw, and if you respond hopefully I get some fucking indicator/closure and can move on out of this fucking mess. And if not, I will take your silence as furthering your disrespect towards me and is an answer in itself. I have nothing to lose or gain with you or this, because I never wanted anything from you to begin with besides friendship.

Word to the wise, you don't fuck with me and get away with it. I'm going to call you out. No witnesses needed, no questions asked. This is your warning.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


Shit. Well besides that I have finals. I have one day of classes left then my Polish exam on Wednesday. Phew. Booze, Blood and Boobs on Wednesday, thank goodie. I need some fun time. I put some new product in my hair and it's like weird. It's water based. I lost my hair gel. WTF. It's ok. I'll get a new one.

I cleaned my room. Like vacuumed and steam cleaned my floors. It's beautiful I love it. I have lights on the windows and a little green man and a blue starburst light. Love it. Now I just have to keep it this way. I really love it.

Also, I gave Schroeder away. I'm sad but happy. I wasn't taking good care of him. I gave him to Emily's friend Sarah Pray. She's an animal enthusiast so I'm happy he has a good home.

What else? I bought amazing boots. They are beautifulll.



Well, I'm sad. All I want is to not be alone this New Year's Eve. Be it friends or family, or just anybody, all I want is to end this year on a good note, not at home and not alone. I could go visit Emily in NJ/Atlantic City, or IDK. IDC really. Just something.

I started writing again. And working out. The two complement each other, and yet they both feel like exorcisms of the soul and body. This will be beautiful, beautiful. I love both, and right now it's very painful. But I have to get over that bump. It will all be beautiful.


Alright, good night. I have a lot to do tomorrow. Fuck. And an oil change, finally.

xoxo


PS there's snow :)